Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
