It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
