There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
