i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
