forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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