who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
