I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
