oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
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She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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