Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
