i just had sex bonerless
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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