Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
