you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
