Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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