I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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