My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
