We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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