I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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