I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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