Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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