I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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