fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
