Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
