Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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