Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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