it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
