it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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