When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
