sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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