would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
