You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My liver just had a heart attack.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
