She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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