ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
