I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
