Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
