Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
