somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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