My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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