shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My breasts were aching with rage.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
