Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
