forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
