and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
