Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
