I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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