she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
