either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
