Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
