I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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