ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Semen is not good for contacts.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
