For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
