you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
