As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
