I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
