he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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