Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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