You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
